Thursday, 14 October 2010

minimal detail

Have forgotten most of the details of last night's dreams other than that they included guns, teeth, and trimming a tree's branches only to see a tsunami heading my way.
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Tuesday, 12 October 2010

scuba and cake

I don't remember as much detail about last night's dreams, but- in one dream I was scuba diving in a little room filled to the ceiling with water, in the dark. I was with Rebecca from my course and a minor character from Scrubs I can't name. I was trying to show them how to clear your mask underwater and take off/put on the breathing apparatus but I kept choking.

Next dream I was serving a birthday cake to Jimmy in a room which had a couple of our friends in and might have been in a hotel, there was a band playing some great music in the next room. For some reason it was Jimmy's fiftieth birthday (my subconscious started mixing him up with Stephen Fry at this point) and I tried to light all the candles but as I was about to do the last ones they all went out. This happened a couple of times and then suddenly Eloise leaned over and started cutting the cake up. I was really upset and tried to put the pieces back together but nobody thought it was as big a deal as I did.

Had one other dream at the beginning of the night but don't remember much about it apart from a little kid taking a dump in a public swimming pool. Lovely.
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Monday, 11 October 2010

vignette

some of my favourite pictures i have taken using Vignette on my phone.

(i can't get it to work, balls.)

also

oh yeah, and tom left yesterday. sad times.

dreams

In very exciting news, I am now able to post here from my phone, so expect a tidal wave of drivel from here onwards.

I thought it would be a good idea to write down some of my weird dreams during this particularly up and down period of my life.

I remember several separate dreams last night. The first was that I was getting a lift somewhere with Chris Addison and was finding him pretty attractive, and we had a big chat about the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. We ended up hanging out with mutual friends in some studenty accommodation. Not an incredibly strange dream really.

Next, I dreamed that I was being given a tour of a huge house by a rich girl and her dad. We got to one 'wing' and they told me they'd bought an actual part of a Northern Rock building ('Room 5' iirc) and attached it to their house, then decorated the interior as a replica Starbucks, with the counter and sweets and everything. We all took some pastries and stuff then went to sit down, and at this point the room morphs into Ciaran's parents old living room and I'm on the sofa with a guy who appears to be some kind of humanoid alien. He looks a bit like David Bowie. He seems to be some kind of space royalty and is asking me about my appearance. Somehow I now have silver paint on my skin with turquoise bands around my ankles, fading upwards into the silver. I make a joke about being 'shackled by green' and he only shows concern in response. Then I remember it's Halloween and my hairdresser was going to bring her baby to my house but I wasn't there, then someone else at the alien gathering compares the alien king to another of my friends as they are both 'massive hipsters'.

Next and most fucked up I dreamed that my mum 'died', she fell from a cliff edge whilst walking in Crete with my dad and a walking tour. It was too dangerous to go down to look for her so Dad came home not knowing where she was and if she was alive. My sister was really upset and I kept asking people if she was really dead, but they didn't answer me. Dad was also really upset. Around the same time my ex best mates sister had died in a car crash, and I watched their mum driving past my old house as me, my sister and a friend picked weeds or something from the driveway. It was a really really hot day and I remember thinking that for October it could be a record breaking temperature, which was very exciting. I kept intermittently getting tearful about my mum, but it obviously hadn't properly sunk in. It turns out she was alive and well and called us from hospital.

Other dreams I don't remember much about was almost finishing a new recording of one of my old songs and it sounding amazing, and another that I'd unknowingly moved into the nearest house to my friend Laura's house in the middle of nowhere. Her house and the surrounding countryside pop up in my dreams incredibly regularly, who knows why.

Anyway, that's it.
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Thursday, 26 August 2010

Things I am going to do when my dissertation is in

1. Lose a shitload of weight (no, I can't do that and my dissertation at the same time)
2. Dye my hair brown again
3. Find a REAL JOB
4. Play loads of guitar and bass
5. Give the friends I have been neglecting the attention they deserve

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Sunday, 8 August 2010

.

i dream of a place i have never been, and what will have been said before i arrive

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

fuck you, Allen & York.

Woke up to this gem this morning.

"Dear Sophie,


Thank you for your recent Curriculum Vitae.

Unfortunately the number of positions for graduates is frustratingly small and competition for the precious few is fierce.
At this time we therefore find ourselves restricted as to the practical help we would normally like to offer you.

You have probably already made extensive enquiries into the Environmental job market but if you are still at an early stage may we offer a few suggestions on at least where else to start looking."

[lists a load of websites like prospects.co.uk and jobs.ac.uk, yeah, thanks for that, I hadn't heard of them before...]

The icing on the cake:

"Finally it is important once you have established yourself in the environmental market place that we stay in touch. As the market place changes and your own career develops we will be able to help you with that critical first move up the ladder.

We wish you every success for the future."

Oh right, so basically once I've already found employment,
then you're interested in doing your job as a recruiter? Go fuck yourself, Allen & York.

Monday, 12 July 2010

I am trying to work on my Environmental Internship essay

...but all I can think about is playing Pokemon in bed and how totally sweet my newly captured Dialga is going to be. It has the ability to control time, ffs.

Dialga performing Roar of Time. Fuck yeah.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

the dude abides

Time for an update in bullet point form.

  • I still haven't got a 'career job'. I am so frustrated. I just thought at this point in my life, after doing the MSc I'd be able to get a job that I love, not have to pretend that I'm enthused about the prospect of shitty jobs that aren't even remotely related to what I've studied because I'm so desperate for the money. Arghhh I know so many people are in such worse positions than I am, and I feel bad for complaining... I just sometimes feel like studying a subject I really care about was a total waste of time if I have to desperately try to get jobs in admin or whatever because I can't get one in the environmental sector, and I need money to pay back my loans.
  • The zoo has ups and downs (but mostly downs), I fucking love working with Catering and they're all awesome, but Play Area remains soul-sapping and mind-numbingly boring, and to top it all off, one of my retarded supervisors went off on a racist rant a few weeks ago about 'foreigners coming into this country and taking our jobs' and how it's 'disgusting that people leave their kids to go to other places to work', and then openly boasted about encouraging another supervisor to discriminate against a job applicant based on her race (regardless of the fact she was legally entitled to work in this country, I might add). When I asked her if she was a racist, she replied "if that means that I don't like foreign people then yes, I don't like them and I don't want to work with them." Racist fucking chav scum, I might have acted the diplomat there and then, but as long as I don't bottle it, she's going to have a nice surprise when I hand in my letter of resignation and partially attribute my search for a new job to her vile opinions.
  • My boyfriend's parents are moving house, which puts us in the awkward position of having to either a) find a house to live in when I only work two days a week on a truly embarrassing hourly wage or b) live ages apart and barely see each other until I get a proper job. I know it shouldn't be that big a deal but it's all anyone ever seems to talk about at the moment. Obviously I want a job so incredibly badly, but I don't want to think about moving out before I've even got one?! And whilst my boyfriend can live where his parents are moving to, it's just a pain and not a long-term solution, and I just feel pressured by the whole situation, and not enthused about the prospect of either barely being able to see Ciaran or constantly being on the back foot financially.
  • I'm currently in possession of Ciaran's bass, which is totally sweet, I really should be playing it more though (although the tiny voice in the back of my mind is still there saying "is there really much point when in two month's time the band will be no more?"). Hmmm.
Whinge over. Sorry for being a self-cented dick as usual, sometimes you just need to vent.

Altruism blues revisited.

Oh my, that last entry was incredibly dramatic and totally failed to take into consideration that my friend might just not think moving away will stop us being friends, which appears to be the case. He's going in September, and dear lord it's going to suck, but what can you do? After the initial hysterics I suppose I am happy for him, it's just going to take some getting used to not having him around. A while ago when we were pretty wasted he was musing about where we and all our friends would be in the future, and sort of implied that it's a given that we'll still be close in x years time, which made me feel a bit better about it all. To know that he thinks our friendship is strong enough helped a lot.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Altruism blues

I apologise in advance for the poorly-written, possibly over-dramatic, selfish and angsty entry that follows. Normally I wouldn’t embarrass myself like this, but I’m sitting in a quiet office alongside people I don’t know well enough to talk to about this, and otherwise I will just be sitting staring out of the window and trying not to cry.

Ages ago I wrote that my mate might move away to Singapore after we finished university. I may have mentioned being quite upset about it, and my subsequent rejoicing when he got a place in London and announced he was staying… However, he’s just got a job over there, and is going soon. I apologise for the selfish outburst which is going to follow an obligatory attempt at being altruistic... Objectively, of course it’s a good thing that he’s got a job, that he’s happy, etc. etc. But I am so fucking upset, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to pretend to be cheerful when I see him later on. One of the main reason I’m so upset is not the fact in itself that he’s going; it’s his apparent lack of concern about the fact that this might be the beginning the end of our friendship. Now, I know that sounds dramatic, but I am well versed in his failure to keep in touch even when we’re in the same country and time zone. He grew up over there, and has family and friends there, so I don’t think he’s too bothered about leaving his life over here behind He acts like it’s no big deal, he might come back in a few months… Will he fuck, with a decent paying job and close friends over there already, he’s going for good.

His lack of acknowledgement that his moving is going to have a significant effect on our friendship could be attributable to two things, I think.

- He genuinely isn’t upset about us not seeing or speaking to each other any more
- He is, but won’t talk to me about it

The second one doesn’t initially sound like anything to be too upset about, but he’s my best friend and I thought we were past this stereotypical repressive bullshit? Does this mean that we’re not as close friends as I thought we were? Obviously one of the potential courses of action in response to all this is to talk to him about it, but I’m fed up with it always being me who has to bring up the elephant in the room. He obviously doesn’t want to talk to me about it, and I know from when we were leaving university that I shouldn’t and can’t force him to.

This also means the end of the band. I wrote about not enjoying playing the other day, I can’t remember if I mentioned my friend potentially leaving or not, but it was one of the reasons why, I was just thinking “what’s the point?” I know it’s stupid and I should be appreciating the time we have left together, with regards to just spending time with him as well as the band, but all I can think is “you’re leaving and either you don’t give a shit about me, or you don’t feel close enough to me to tell me you give a shit about me.” I’m supposed to be going over to his tonight, but I don’t want to now. I’m worried about looking like a massive bitch if I can’t pull off appearing to be pleased for him, and hiding how angry I am that he pretends not to/doesn’t care about me; I just want to go home and immerse myself in something that doesn’t make me feeling completely fucking disposable. Maybe I’ll feign illness and go home early or something. I don’t want to see him. It sounds so juvenile, but I genuinely don’t feel like I can talk to him about this, and believe me, I am a big fan of talking through problems. I don’t know what I can do.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

the blues is my business, and business is good.

Hello again.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I don't have much of an idea what I am going to write about yet. Ciaran is asleep upstairs after getting an awful headache earlier this evening, my dad's in Scotland for work, and my mum and sister are asleep. Tomorrow is effectively my weekend, so I'm not feeling like going to bed, but my options are restricted in terms of noise and room availability. I am currently downstairs and have been messing about very quietly on the guitar for a bit. I just worked out 'Limousine' by Brand New and it sounds pretty cool.

Had a jam with the boys yesterday. The 'band' arrangement (I'm reluctant to use the word 'band' due to the irregularity we practice and uncertainty about what we are and who does what) has changed a bit recently, with Chris playing with us now, my guitar skillz aren't really as good as his and so I've been relegated to the piano, which I'm not quite as comfortable with in a band setting. I'm confident in my abilities on my own, but I'm not used to playing in a group; the only blues piano I know is solo pieces which are a world away from blues piano as part of a band. I'm not especially enjoying the piano because I just don't think what I'm playing sounds much good. Paffett is playing harmonica and singing, which is pretty cool, but I'd like to be doing lead vocals more... Not all the time, there are some songs which his voice doesn't suit though, but I can't really say anything because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Anyway, to summarise, I'm not feeling things as much at the moment, I don't know where we're going with things and what the others expect from me. I am seriously thinking about trying to learn bass, because we do need a bassist; four guitarists isn't getting us anywhere. I feel like I would know where I stand in the group a bit more with one particular instrument, if you see what I mean? I know it sounds a bit impulsive.

I have had my eye on this for a while. Potential present to self when I finally get a proper job and a some monies?
The taught part of my course finishes next week, it's so surreal. I still feel like I'm new there. What next? I can just about afford to keep working at the zoo and piano lessons whilst looking for a 'proper' job, I applied for a job at my internship organisation but didn't get it- am applying for another one now though, which would pretty much sort my life right out if I got it. Not getting my hopes up this time though, I was totally crushed last time when I got rejected, cried all day and everything... I had just pictured telling my family and friends, and not having to worry about how I'm going to repay my career development loan come December... Oh well, this next vacancy looks better anyway. Fingers crossed and all that jazz.

Oooooh, Ciaran's woken up so I am going to go. I have other things I should write about soon. I met someone yesterday who I've been talking to online for years and it was seriously sweeeet. Oh balls, my laptop is beeping at me because it has no battery left. OKAY BYE.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

A list

Rather than spend ages writing a convoluted mess about the uninteresting goings-on in my life, I present you with a comprehensive list of relevant bullet points instead.

  • Today was my first day back at university for about a month and a half (why the fuck is it so expensive, I'm never there)
  • So far I have lost 7.5lbs/half a stone on Weightwatchers, and am starting to get something resembling a shape back
  • Yesterday I started an internship with Campaign to Protect Rural England as one of my course modules, working on a project about light pollution (being able to see stars at night ftw), and everyone seemed nice
  • I saw Jeremiah Marques and the Blues Aces at Ain't Nothin' But on Satuday and it was fucking sweeeeeeeet
  • Am barely working at the zoo as they've cut my hours to 2 days this month, as nobody goes to the zoo in January. Thought I was being made redundant though so it's better than nothing I suppose. Have taken on another piano pupil, but I'm still barely making any money, this is definitely not a sustainable level of income. Especially as I am going out loads more because I have so much free time, haha.

I think that pretty much summarises most of the notable activities in my life at the moment. Goodbye.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Blossoms of days to come part 2.

See below for part 1.

Continuing my favourite artists and albums of 2009:

4. J. J. Cale


I think Last.fm recommended J. J. Cale to me originally, and thank God it did. I was really surprised to find out that some great songs I knew from other artists were originally by him, like Call Me The Breeze (covered by Lynyrd Skynyrd), After Midnight and Cocaine (both covered by Clapton). Typically his songs are technically pretty simple but so effective, and I reeeeeeally love his laid-back guitar playing style. Finding him was pretty refreshing, hearing a bluesy/cajuny/swamp-rocky artist playing pretty stripped down music, which is still catchy as fuck and retains clear individuality. A nice reminder that music doesn't need to be technically or melodically complicated to be awesome.

5. B. B. King


I don't care if it makes me look like a massive noob to say how good B. B. King is. My dad played me one of his songs when I was about 12, and I really liked it but never took my enjoyment any further by listening to him again until I got into blues. Another artist on the list with a really clear style; B. B. alternates between playing licks and singing- his playing isn't particularly hard; but his ear for melody, with those perfectly executed bends and powerful voice (I personally prefer his voice and general sound when he was younger; I think there can be a bit too much going on in later recordings) make him someone who I enjoy immensely.

6. The Allman Brothers Band



I never stop going on about it, but I fucking love slide guitar. I also love southern rock. Both are perfectly exemplified by Duane Allman and co. I got a slide for Christmas and have been messing about with Statesboro Blues with it, and it is really fun to play, but a lot harder than it sounds. When I listen to them, it always sounds like they're having a great time, which makes me enjoy them even more. Shamefully enough my introduction to The Allman Brothers Band came from Midnight Rider at the start of The Devil's Rejects, and Ramblin' Man on Guitar Hero, haha. Whenever I listen to the latter on public transport I get the urge to stand up on my seat and start dancing whilst singing "rolling down Highway 41" and wailing along with the slide guitar at the very end. One of these days I will actually do it.

7. John Mayer- Where the Light Is



I saw this fine fellow at Hammersmith Apollo on Monday, and he was seriously good. He might be perceived as a bit mainstream and poppy compared to the rest of his list, and literally all of his licks are stoled from Stevie Ray Vaughan and B. B. King, but introducing blues rock to a new generation is not something to be sniffed at, and who am I kidding, he is a great guitarist, and I secretly love his cheesy stuff too.
This album is his finest by a country mile, as far as I'm concerned he should play with Steve Jordan and Pino Palladino all the time- they reaaaaally pull off the funky blues sound well, as exemplified by Come When I Call, Vultures, Out Of My Mind, and I Don't Need No Doctor. On Monday he really surprised me as I hadn't previously enjoyed his new album, but he's such a good live player that I suddenly loved all the songs I previously just though were okay. Well done Mayer.

8. Guthrie Govan



This guy isn't such a prominent artist as all the others I have mentioned, but he is one of the best guitarists in the world (people bandy that term around all the time, but it is definitely appropriate here), technically brilliant in so many different styles. I've seen him a few times over the past year as he lives near me and plays a regular slot in a local bar when not doing world tours as a session guitarist or tuition weekends and stuff. I'm completely blown away every time I see him, it takes me a few minutes to stop staring at his hands completely gobsmacked before I can fully appreciate the music. It's not a particular style of playing or genre of music that he excels in, which makes him such an interesting chap. He's got incredible speed but doesn't waste it playing shred; he uses his ridiculous speed to churn out amazing rock, prog and jazz licks without compromising on musicality, still utilising powerful slow licks and stunning rhythms. His band, Erotic Cakes, are probably best described as jazz-fusion, and I would highly recommend seeing him if you ever get the opportunity as he is even more amazing live than on record.


This concludes my run-down of a selection of my favourite artists in 2009; there are others who have been thoroughly rinsed over the past year, but I couldn't write about them all. I hope you have enjoyed my rambling adorations, and well done if you actually read this far.

Blossoms of days to come.

Hello again.

I will try to keep this brief as really I am wasting time that should be spent writing a mock research proposal for university. The existing dataset that I am discussing and statistically analysing is from Lake Baikal in Siberia, which is a very interesting lake. It is the deepest, oldest and second most voluminous lake in the world. The study in which the dataset I'm using was published measured biogenic silicate preserved in lake sediments, which is deposited when diatoms (generally unicellular phytoplankton) die and become embedded in silt layers at the bottom of the lake. The record spans between 1,850,000-11,000 years before the present, which is most of the Pleistocene epoch. The study then goes on to study the correlation between the abundance of these diatoms and Milankovitch cycles, which I really can't be bothered to explain. Suffice to say that they are three types of variations to the orientation and characteristics of the Earth's orbit around the Sun, which affect the amount of sunlight and therefore warmth that we receieve. These three changes take 100,000 years, 41,000 years and 26,000 years for each cycle to be completed. I don't know about you, but I find Milankovitch cycles pretty fucking interesting. I really like this interactive animation, which helps to explain what each of the orbital changes are: http://apollo.lsc.vsc.edu/classes/met130/notes/chapter16/graphics/71_Orbital_Fluctuations/A_71.swf

Anyway, basically, my piece of work is to discuss and statistically analyse that dataset about the silicates preserved in the lake sediment, and then propose how I could improve upon existing knowledge in this area if I had 6 months and £10,000. Quite exciting stuff, innit? I should really stop fantasising about what I would really do if I had £10,000 though.

[/science]

I had a great time this weekend, went to Ain't Nothin' But blues bar in Soho, which is probably my favourite bar ever. It was the third time I've been, and I've had an amazing night each time. We were supposed to see Jeremiah Marques and the Blues Aces (who are seriously good), but they couldn't make it up from Brighton because of the snow, so the Niall Kelly Blues Band saved the day, and they were great. We were up on the chairs dancing for most of the night. Hopefully going to get to see Jeremiah Marques next Saturday instead. I can't wait.

Whilst on the subject of awesome bands, I thought I might list a few favourite artists and albums of the past year. Not releases from 2009; just stuff I have discovered and fallen in love with.

1. Bonobo


I absolutely love Bonobo. I could listen to his albums on rotation all bloody day. Especially Animal Magic and Dial 'M' for Monkey. I first heard the track Scuba whilst sitting in Phil's smokey room at university whilst four of us watched the iTunes visualisations for about half an hour. Good times. My love for Animal Magic was solidly reinforced by one or two particularly enjoyable mind-bending evenings, and listening to it now takes me to a very mellow place. It reminds me of summer, and amazingly chilled out evenings with awesome friends.

2. Tommy Emmanuel




I don't really feel as though I need to explain myself on this one, if you have ever heard him play. One of the absolute best fingerstyle guitar players in the world, saw him live in December and he was fucking brilliant, and what a showman. Massive inspiration to me guitar-wise and I can't wait to see him again.

3. Erykah Badu- Baduizm



Another reminder of quality times with quality company. I like this album the best, New Amerykah is also pretty good but nothing on this. 'Otherside of the Game' takes me away a little bit. Towards the end of university, my mate Tom would always put this on after we got home from a party or whatever, and it was getting light outside.

I think I will do the rest of this list in a separate post, as it is so annoying pasting images in and having to drag them down to the bottom of the text in little steps.