A few times over the last couple of weeks I've talked with my friends from university about life since we've all gone our separate ways. Of course there are positive changes, such as not having to pay rent, having a guaranteed supply of loo roll and not having to keep a secret stash in your wardrobe, getting to see Ciaran all the time, being cooked for, and actually earning some money for once (again, not me, I've embarked on another expensive year of being a student, except without the fun stuff)- but naturally there have been big downsides too.
The realisation is starting to sink in that this isn't just the holidays; we won't be seeing each other again in a few weeks, we won't be having any more jam sessions for the foreseeable future, and won't be leaving behind our little parental bones of contention. This is it. Perhaps it should be less true for me now that I have started on a new course at a new university, but I am living at home and commuting to London; I catch the train, go to my lectures and go home again, without any notable interaction with the other students. I think if I was living with Ciaran and not my parents it would be different; it would feel like I have made some kind of 'progress'. I guess I'm going have to wait until the Masters is over and I have a decent job before I can start thinking about that. I'm certain that it's completely normal for everything to feel so diluted after uprooting the life you've led for three years, but it doesn't make it any less difficult.
I think most of all I miss the band, and my friends in it. I saw them (sans bassist) last weekend and it felt so good to be playing together again, it's hard to describe it. We met up at Simon's house and launched straight into some of our favourites, and did a few new ones too. We played John Mayer's version of 'Everyday I Have The Blues' with me on piano, and even though it was a bit sloppy, I had a massive smile on my face the whole time. Playing on my own just feels so weak and unexciting in comparison. I suppose I could look for another band, but I don't think I'd be particularly happy with anything less than playing my favourite music with my best friends. All it seems we can do is keep meeting up and playing every few months and enjoy the time we do have together. That's another issue though; it's looking like Tom's going to move abroad, which throws a massive theoretical spanner into the works. Man, that upsets me, but it isn't something that I'm going to get into now.
Excuse my ridiculous 'guitar face'.
I've never been particularly embracing of change. I remember the period leading up to me going to university was full of dread and fear; the same feelings that took over the few weeks before it ended. So theoretically I have learnt that change isn't necessarily a thing to be scared of; at the moment though, I can't shake the feeling that I'm still waiting for something which isn't going to come.
